Food for Talk: Card 11, Accomplices

6 Feb

Your best friend steals something from a store. You are with him. What do you do? Do you confront him? Tell his parents? Do nothing? 

I’m a thief. It’s true! When I was in junior high, I walked into a record store in the Orange Park mall–I don’t remember the name. It had those sensor gates. I was looking at the Arrested Development tape(no, not CD), in that little plastic guard thing that they were held in, and I was walking around with it in the store, trying to determine whether I wanted to spend the $11.95, or whatever it was. I think I was with Beth (maybe Jen, but i think it was Beth). Beth and I were talking, and we wander out of the store. Halfway down the mall, I look down, and there’s the tape, in it’s little ladder-y plastic guard, in my hand. No sensor went off, no Paul Blart-style mall cop ran after me in his Segway. I just…walked out. When I realized what I had done, I panicked, darted into the Gap, and shoved it under a pile of sweaters. I think I might have broken down into a sweat. I believe Beth was scoping out the mall to see if I was being chased down. We left the Gap, sat down, cooled off, and decided what in the hell we should do, and when I determined I wasn’t going to end up in cuffs, I calmly retrieved the tape, took it home, and spent an hour trying to saw through the plastic security case to get to the tape. Which I did. I still love Arrested Development. I now own it on CD! Mr. Wendell!

I could have returned it to…Turtle’s (maybe?), but I didn’t know exactly how to say that in my 12-year old brain–“I walked out with this tape by mistake, and i’m returning it.” Actually, I could have said exactly that. But I wanted the tape, and no one cared, so it was easier to go home with it. And there you have it. Jen loves that story and reminds me (usually in front of friends) of my thieving ways on a semi-annual basis.

I did steal some candy when i was 5, showed it to my 15-year old sister to show her how cool I was, and she promptly turned me in to my mother. I still haven’t forgiven her. That’s about the extent of it. …That I can remember. Or admit to. Ha!

Anyway, enough about my thieving…I don’t think I’ve ever had friends who have stolen things. My childhood was really…safe! And law-abiding! If someone did something naughty, Emily Ebener was probably behind it. She was always getting into trouble, and she’d be easy to blame! This angel face? Not on your life. But if I DID hang with someone stealing something as a kid, I probably wouldn’t say anything–no one likes a rat. Now? I can’t even imagine someone taking a sweater or makeup or something. It seems so…silly. Why steal when you can just charge it?? 😉


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