Roadhouse and the magic of Swayze

14 Jan

Oh my God…there are no words. Actually, that’s not true–there are plenty of words to describe the brilliance that is Road House, but I don’t know that I can do it justice.

…But I will try. I was in a crappy mood today, and this movie just cheered me right up. It’s genius!

Random thoughts, just because I had plenty of time to think them:

– The Swayze is perfect casting. He’s gloriously tiny, but he makes it work. He’s not that great an actor, but he brings the macho with as few words as possible. I kind of forgot how hot he was, even with not being that good looking. And you can show me his backside at any time.
– Speaking of which…there’s a serious amount of T&A in this movie. Were most 80s films like that? I don’t think of current movies showing that much skin just for the sake of seeing some boobs. There must have been way fewer nudity clauses back in the day!
– …except I repeat, you can show off Swayze in his altogether (which the movie does repeatedly) anytime you want. That dude is RIPPED.
– What is up with Ben Gazzara? He wears an ascot, so obviously he’s evil. He’s slightly menacing, but him weaving down the road singing “Sh-Boom Sh-Boom” by Wilson Pickett? Is THIS the sign of his ultimate badassery?? And his henchman Jimmy?!? All he does is glare and cackle maniacally. Oh, if only all bad guys were this easy to spot. “I used to f*** guys like you in prison!” Really, Jimmy? You want to admit to that?
– I love how when Dalton finally gets the bar in order, he brings together young and old, black and white, shirtless a-holes and guys in business suits. He is a one-man peace keeper!
– Kelly Lynch is a terrible, terrible actress. Which makes her perfect for this movie.
– Kelly Lynch’s doctor glasses are the size of mars. And they are awesome.
– The mullet-y goodness of Patrick Swayze’s hair is indescribable, but he was definitely hotter in Dirty Dancing–shorter hair.
– HE DOES TAI CHI. Shirtless. Oh my God. Seriously–how did the writers come up with a meditative, tai-chi practicing, philosophy-educated bouncer? Seriously…how?
-Dalton PULLS A MAN’S THROAT OUT. WITH HIS BARE HANDS. Are you kidding me with this? And…ew.
– Aw, Sam Elliott. You were awesome while you lasted.
– A fat bad guy is crushed by a giant stuffed polar bear? Huh.
– The cheesiness of this movie is so fantastic precisely because i don’t think a movie could be made today that was anywhere close to this level of cheese. Except for maybe Twilight. But that’s why 80s movies are so great, they’re a relic of our times!
– Sam Elliott actually calls the bar “The Double Douche.” Lisa!!! The bus line on the strip in Vegas was nicknamed by a character in Road House! 😀
– In their love scene, I kept waiting for Swayze to dip Kelly Lynch like he does Jennifer Grey in Dirty Dancing. I’ve scene all your moves before, Swayze!
– The love scene music of both movies is remarkably similar, and I realized that the Road House love scene is to Otis Redding’s These Arms of Mine. Which then made me look up the Dirty Dancing love scene music (yes, I had way too much time on my hands) and I found out that was Solomon Burke’s “Cry to Me”, and THEN I realized that both of those songs were on the Dirty Dancing soundtrack. Go figure–maybe the Swayze likes Otis?

Can you tell I liked the movie? It’s a cult classic for a reason! Seriously, if you haven’t seen it, RENT IT TODAY. BUY IT. OWN IT. LOVE IT. Ah, good times.

I feel like I need more suggestions of cheesy 80s goodness! What’s next?!?


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